A Christian’s Guide to the Holidays

We've all heard the holiday rule: never discuss politics or religion. But when it comes to faith, is staying silent really the best option? I’d say the politics part is up to your personal judgment, but the idea of not talking about religion with your family? That’s just silly—or, to be more frank, it’s unbiblical.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying Christians should be pushy, obnoxious, judgmental, or condemning, nor that we should dominate family discussions with non-stop Bible verses. Not only is this annoying, but it actually damages the witness of Christ. Hopefully, that much is obvious! But this doesn’t mean silence is the only alternative.

Remember when Jesus delivered the man in Mark 5:1–20 who was possessed by a legion of demons? After being set free and restored to his right mind, the man understandably wanted to go with Jesus. To be fair, I think we’d all want to do the same thing—I know I would! Yet Jesus didn’t allow it.

Instead, Jesus suggested, “Go home to your friends, blend in quietly so you don’t offend anyone, and let’s hope they get saved someday…” Oh, wait—that was a typo. My bad! He actually requested of the man, “Go home and don’t worry about saying anything; just live by example and let your life do all the talking!” Okay, okay… I’m not trying to be facetious, just making a clear point.

In all seriousness, Jesus commanded him: “Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you.” (v. 19)

How did the man respond? Did he pout, complain, gossip, or disobey? Did he claim he was an introvert and not qualified? Did he make excuses, saying his family wasn’t ready for the “J-bomb” yet? Did he petition Jesus with reasons this approach could cause problems, arguing it wasn’t culturally appropriate for the Decapolis—a Roman-occupied, polytheistic region?

No, no, and no. Mark tells us exactly what he did: “He departed and began to proclaim in Decapolis all that Jesus had done for him; and all marveled.” (v. 20) Talk about immediate obedience! Demon Danny turned into Decapolis Danny—what a transformation!

What can we learn from Decapolis Danny, and how can we apply his radical example to our own situations during the holidays? Let’s look at three lessons:

1. Danny was courageously obedient.
   This guy was literally naked, homeless, possessed, cut up, out of his mind, and living in a graveyard—not the most glamorous history. Yet he was unconcerned about his reputation. He cared far more about obeying the One who saved him. May we, too, be courageously obedient.

2. Danny told his story.
   He didn’t tell the story of Peter, James, or John—he told his own story of what Jesus had done in his life. Friend, your story is significant and powerful. You’d be shocked to see how your testimony impacts others. Be unashamed of what Jesus has done for you.

3. Danny told his [entire] story.
   Notice in verse 20 how he proclaimed all that Jesus had done for him. He didn’t just say, “Yeah, I was in rough shape, but God changed my life!” Nor did he vaguely share, “Well, I had issues here and there, but the Big Man upstairs helped me out a bit…” No way, José! Dan the Man told everyone who would listen everything Jesus did for him!

   I imagine someone asking, “Wait, Danny so you’re telling me you had a demon inside of you??” And I can hear Danny replying with a twinkle in his eye, “Oh no! It was waaay worse than that, bro. I had a legion of demons inside me, but they were no match for Jesus!”

   This reminds me of what the Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (NLT) Share your entire story, and let God do the rest.

This holiday season, I’m begging you—on behalf of the apostles of the early Church, the martyrs who’ve gone before us, and more than anyone Jesus Himself —be unashamed of the gospel with your family. Be courteous, understanding, gentle, patient, and listen more than you speak. But do, in fact, speak, and make your words count.

Jesus commanded us to “let [our] light so shine before men, that they may see [our] good works and glorify [our] Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) The word “let” implies we have a choice: live out loud or remain silent. I pray we all boldly choose the former and reject the latter.

“Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you.” Mark 5:19

God bless you and your family this holiday season!

-Jake

Managing Priorities

In September 2023, I crossed paths with Pastors Hal and Pam Santos, a couple who have faithfully served the Lord in full-time ministry for decades as senior pastors, training many other pastors and missionaries around the world and serving various coaches and teams in the NFL (he’s a Browns fan though, so pray for him). They have left a profound mark on countless people, most recently Abby and me.

He often calls and asks, “Jacob, how are you treating your wife? Have you taken her on a date lately?” To which I honestly answer, and he follows up with, “Put her on the phone… Abigail, is your husband treating you well? Tell him to rub your feet.” This is the kind of guy he is, and his wife is no different. They are straight shooters with healthy priorities and fruitful lives, and we honor that!

Pastor Hal frequently reminds me and others he has mentored of the five chronological priorities for every person, and I want to pass them along to you! I hope they bless you as they have me:

1) Your relationship with Jesus.

2) Your relationship with your spouse.

3) Your relationship with your family (kids first then the others).

4) Your physical, mental, and emotional health.

5) Ministry, vocation, or occupation.

I must admit, for too long, I had this out of alignment. It’s embarrassing to confess but for most of the last decade, my priorities looked more like this:

1) Jesus.

2) Ministry.

3) Spouse.

…….

73) Health.

87) Family.

And this was on a good day!

I’m kind of joking… and kind of serious!

The symptoms weren’t obvious immediately, but eventually, they began to manifest. For instance, on a rare free night, it wasn’t uncommon for me to be on my phone responding to texts, phone calls, and emails. All for the sake of “God’s calling on my life.” Meanwhile, I was neglecting my own wife, who mind you I’m commanded by God to lead first and, not to mention, love as Christ loved the church.

I would rarely see or talk with my family because I filled my schedule so tightly with meetings, events, and other ministry-related things that most spare moments were either before my family members woke up or after they went to sleep. I missed birthdays, gatherings, and the little things like conversations and dinners with my mom who lived less than 10 minutes away. I’ll spare you the details, but my physical health paid a surprising price, largely because of the result of invisible self-inflicted stress. I applied so much pressure to myself to help fix other people’s problems, while neglecting my own.

Let me be clear, I don’t regret building a decade’s worth of precious relationships in a church I adore and a community I consider home. Nearly each and every person has meant the world to me, and I can genuinely say I’m honored to know many of them. However, what I’m learning is that building these types of relationships, which are important in their own right, should never come at the expense of life’s most crucial relationships (with Jesus, your spouse, and family).

Now ‘tis the NFL Draft weekend so allow me to invoke a sports reference here for a moment… Patrick Mahomes (28 years old) was recently questioned about retirement and if he plans to play as long as Tom Brady (who retired at 45 years old). To which Patrick replied,

“I’ve looked, if I played until Tom [Brady]’s age, my daughter would be 19, 20 years old,” Mahomes said. “I would love to play that long… I want to be there for my daughter. If I can do that, I’ll continue to play. But if I feel like it’s taking away from my family time, that’s when I’ll know it’s time to go.”

You may not care about football or want life advice from Patrick Mahomes, I get it! But I respect his line of thought. It shows his priorities revolve around his relationships first, not his career, legacy, or bank account.

In 2013 Barna released an article that matters to me since I’m in ministry. It says, “While 21% of pastors believe they were good parents in terms of supporting and spending time with their children, twice that amount have regrets in this area—42% say they wish they had spent more time with their kids.” I wonder what the numbers would be today.

I’m not the first minister, or person for that matter, to experience this relational, physical, and emotional storm. Sadly, many fall into a ditch before they realize what’s going on, and more often than not, ministry, the devil, or, worse yet, God Himself takes all the blame.

But here is something I’ve learned: It’s not the ministry's fault. It’s not the devil’s fault. It’s not people’s fault. It’s not because the calling is too demanding. And it’s certainly not God’s fault. It’s convenient to assign blame to the ministry, work, the boss, church leaders, or whoever fits depending on your situation. But that’s low hanging fruit. The truth is, I was to blame. I was the one who didn’t establish and manage my priorities well.

 I needed to learn for myself that attending a church event was not holier to God than attending my own dinner table. Serving people in need is not more virtuous in the eyes of God than serving my wife. Calling a person in the church was not better “stewardship” than calling my own mother. Flying to a conference is not more necessary than flying to see my aging grandparents. And no one is to blame but myself.

In fact, the Bible takes this a step further. To neglect those in my own home for the sake of ministry, work, or really anything is sin. Consider 1 Timothy 5:8, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Wow!

My story revolves around ministry. Yours may revolve around work, sports, hobbies, or something else entirely. Maybe you have your kids higher than your wife. Maybe you have the gym higher than your family. The point remains true regardless. No career ladder, tax bracket, ministry opportunity, or amount of toys can heal broken priorities or the compound issues they cause. At the end of our lives, what will truly matter the most? If you were suddenly gasping for your last breaths, would you have any regrets? Who would pop into your mind? Would you be wishing you spent more time making money or growing your business?

What I’ve learned is that no one can make you say yes or no to opportunities, events, duties, etc. You are the one responsible for saying yes and no. You are responsible for writing out your priorities and guarding them. You are the one who will answer for how you managed your life. I know it’s a little heavy. But I’m reminded of what Reinhard Bonnke said, “Mind in the beginning what matters in the end.”

Therefore, I invite you to a challenge. If you can identify with anything in this miniature rant (major props if you’ve made it this far)… I invite you to write out your ideal list of priorities in life. Maybe it looks like Pastor Hal & Pam’s. Maybe it doesn’t. That’s up to you! Then, evaluate yourself honestly on how well you’re doing. I dare you to take it a step higher and quiz those closest to you on how well you’re doing. Does your perception match theirs? If you want a true diagnostic test, and you’re brave, tell them why you’re asking and request an honest letter grade. Say to them, “Be honest with me, what do my actions tell you is my main priority?” You might be surprised at the results. I know I was! But this can help guide you towards making practical changes.

 If you’re like me and have spent too long with misaligned priorities, the great news is we can redeem the time today! The Lord is pleased to help get our souls, relationships, and bodies healthy. He wants it more than we do! I’m actively learning that yes; He wants to use us. But He doesn’t want to abuse us. Yes we need to work. But your kids would rather be broke under a bridge with a loving parent than have designer clothes in a mansion with an absent one.

So now it’s your turn! Once you have your list written out, work with your spouse and family on the following steps:

1) PRUNE: Trim away the areas that need it. Remove the things that need to go, even if they seem good. Be mindful that by saying yes to the most important things, you may have to say no to other things, even if they’re good things. Your “no” will become a deeper “yes” to your priorities. Some have thought, “but what will people think?” Ask yourself instead, “what will God think?” Our Pastor has been preaching on the Beatitudes and he recently talked about being pure in heart. He mentioned how purity is simplicity. The fewer the ingredients, the more pure something is, be it water, gold, etc.

2) DEVELOP: Cultivate habits that nurture your priorities. Commit to regular family dinners, a weekly date night where you hire a babysitter and enjoy activities together without distractions from your phones, invest in a gym membership, or agree on a dietary change as a family. Establish routines that enhance your life rather than squander it.

3) PROTECT: Before committing to new obligations, consider whether or not they align with your list of priorities. For instance, a prominent international evangelist shared with us how he receives numerous speaking requests every week but evaluates each one with his wife, asking, “Does this event contribute to evangelism?” If not, they decline. Understanding your priorities helps you stay focused on what truly matters.

I pray this helps someone identify potential blind spots and/or encourages others to maintain their prioritization efforts. We only have one opportunity at this life. Jesus fulfilled His part; it's up to us to fulfill ours!

- Jake